do not know if I told you I've been a little over a year without cutting myself. Yes, a year now, but I still do feel like every time I get angry with someone or that I really have suicidal thoughts. I get anxious and start whenever to mourn start repeating "I cut, I cut." I think it's desperation to do so on the ground.
Today I realized that nothing has changed in me. While I spend longer lying in bed depressed, I still feel that way. I have had many nightmares this past week and that worries me. When I started my depression also began those dreams where I try to wake up and do screaming.
know, sometimes I think my life was easier when you lived self-absorbed, when nothing mattered. Was absent from this world, I do not care about anything, and my weight, or school, or others. That was in 2006, before knowing them.
I'm not who I want to be (or what others want) ... Yesterday my mother was watching a program model, and imagine they are ... and said "I hope some day I can see you so" ... Well, thanks mom, and now someone get me the rope. To finish I know that my boyfriend does not like how I dress. He wants you to use spaghetti straps, dresses, shoes. With my body I can not. On Sunday I tried on a dress that he likes, I saw a belly. He touched me and said, "but you can download it, right?" Of course I can, before I did, but how to do if I am forced to swallow what I put in front. I hated it when I touched my belly, it is believed, He also has and more and I'm not saying the drop.
I do not think they want to hand someone better than me?
Anyway. Yesterday I walked a bite but bad and very dizzy. Today I woke up at 11 am and had lunch a little cooked chicken breast with carrot puree. And that's all I'm going to sleep.
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